How To Officiate Your Friend's Wedding Like A Pro
Photo by Summer Grace Photography
You’ve been asked to officiate your loved one’s wedding. Now what?
First, congratulations! Take a moment to feel into what an incredible honor it is to be asked to usher your loved ones across the threshold of one of the most significant moments of their lives. That’s quite the honor. Likely, they’ve chosen you because you’re really special to them and maybe you’re also comfortable in the limelight. What a gift and what a responsibility. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun along the way, it just means it’s going to take some commitment in the months ahead to ensure that their ceremony shines.
If you want more support on your officiating journey, sign up for Officiating 101, my newest on-demand online video course at the below link:
Read on for my top tips for first-time officiants:
Photo by Anna Caitlin Photography
Interview the couple
You may think you know them very well (and you probably do!) but have you ever talked through their philosophy of love and marriage? Do you know what their favorite poems are or when they knew they wanted to marry each other or how they’d like to incorporate their heritage into the ceremony? Weddings bring up a lot of things for people about their history, their family, their origins, their perspectives on love and commitment, so it’s important to make sure you’re not assuming based on a conversation you had with them back in the day. Have the conversation with both partners now so that you can incorporate each of their perspectives into the ceremony. I talk more about sample interview questions in my Officiating 101 class!
Get ordained
It’s kinda important to make sure you can legally marry the couple. Universal Life Church and American Marriage Ministries are both popular options for online ordination. Double check that you don’t have to complete any additional registration with the state where you will be performing the wedding to be a recognized officiant. In Oregon and Washington you don’t have to but in Ohio you do. It depends! Do your research to make sure your legal ducks are in a row.
Photo by The Tinsley Co.
Research marriage license requirements*
Typically, in the United States, a couple can apply for their marriage license no sooner than 60 days before their wedding date. It tends to cost between $50-80 for a license. The couple needs to apply for a license in the state where the ceremony will be performed, not in the state where they live. All US marriage licenses are valid and reciprocal in all other US states. It’s a little more complicated if you’re getting married abroad and may require additional paperwork. Make sure that the couple knows what they have to do to apply for their marriage license. As the officiant, you are responsible for completing the legal paperwork and returning it to the County Clerk’s Office after the ceremony.
*This is not legal advice. You should conduct your own thorough research to ensure the marriage is legally recognized in your location.
Write the ceremony and practice it
Are you responsible for writing the ceremony? Are you writing the ceremony with your loved ones? Do they want to review what you’ve written beforehand? Make sure you’re clear on who is responsible for what and then get to work. Set some deadlines so that you have plenty of time to share it with the couple, get feedback, make revisions, and practice, practice, practice. It’s ok to read from your script during the ceremony, as long as you’re not staring down at the paper the whole time. This is probably not the time to wing it or write it the night before, unless that is TOTALLY YOU and that’s what you’ve discussed with your friends and then, good on ya!
Figure out your sound system
If a ceremony was performed in a forest but no one could hear it, did it really happen? You don’t wanna be that officiant (or couple) whose words can’t be heard over the wind in the trees or because you’re speaking too quietly. Make sure you’ve got a plan for projection for the ceremony, especially if there will be environmental noise in the ceremony area, more than 20 guests, or hearing-impaired guests. You’ve worked so hard on the ceremony, so make sure the guests can hear it.
Rehearsals are awesome
They put everyone more at ease, especially when this is your first rodeo (er, wedding). From practicing walking down the aisle to where to stand to how to do the ring exchange or unity ritual, practice it as many times as you want so that it feels smooth. This will help you all to be calm when the actual moment rolls around because that’s what it’s really about: being present in the moment when your loved ones cross that threshold of partnership into marriage and you’re the person they wanted standing with them up there, guiding them through the moment. Don’t take that lightly. Let it sink in. Let it be the beautiful honor that it is to witness and shepherd their love into the next phase of life.